Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Life is Learning.

It has been a world wind of a last two years since I last updated this blog. Where to start??

The year 2013 tried to kill me. It  ran me over and then slammed the car into reverse and ran me over again to make sure it did the deed. As many know it was a tough year in the Fisher household. Through our large amounts of time spent apart we had sadly grown apart. We took 6 months of that year and decided separation was our final turn left on a map that was leading no where happy. During those 6 months I felt every emotion known- I first felt anger. I was angry that my life wasn't "perfect" like everyone else's. I was angry at all those "perfect" people for digging in my life for the latest gossip or for making their own assumptions about what might have happened to us. I was bitter, bitter towards Nick for not seeing things through my eyes and bitter at God for what was happening to me. It took 3 months (Im pretty stubborn) of us being apart for me to finally feel sad, and to get over my anger and bitterness. It took 3 months to hit my knees and pray. It wasn't til I prayed that I began to see the situation through a heart that asked:"What could I have done different?" "How could I have changed things?" "What flaws of my marriage were because of me?"

A few of the many answers I came up with for those questions:

  • Sometimes I need to be more of a wife and less of a buddy.  When I say this I don't mean I need to wash more clothes and ride less bikes. (I could probably do that too but..) I mean I need to need. Husbands need to be needed. Its ok for me to call Nick when I cant get my oil cap off because its too hot and too tight. I don't have to do everything by myself.  Its ok to call him at the end of a tough day and have a good cry. My husband needs to know how important in my life he is and that he is a necessity I couldn't live without. 
  • I need to pick my fights carefully. I have now made a rule for myself- I get one fight to pick a week. This week Im fighting the idea of stacking dishes next to the sink vs putting the damn things in the dishwasher. I know this seems like a dumb one but it has closed the door for me to pick a fight on anything else. So no nagging about sleeping in, drinking all the milk, or leaving a shaving mess in the bathroom sink. I hate myself when I start nagging and I know that Nick does too. Plus when your asking for them to change one thing-- its lots more likely to happen.
  • I need to be home. When I got married I was choosing to spend my life with the man I love. Somehow over 4 years that turned into maybe seeing him once a week and then flying off on my next solo adventure. We never went on dates. We rarely slept in the same bed. Thus the biggest change I made was in my choice of career. I left the airlines October of 2013. This was the toughest because of my love for flying and my love for adventure but I will say it has been well worth it.
Apparently, Nick asked himself the same questions because after 4 months of being separated we both had refocused what we wanted changed on ourselves vs on each other.

We learned a lot about ourselves and each other over those 6 months. We now have a greater understanding for one another than I ever thought possible. Each day we are working on life but we are learning to use each other to work on life together vs working on two separate lives- one against the world.

Sometimes life needs a moment to realize where we stand. To recognize everything that isn't where it should be.  I challenge everybody to take that part of your life that isnt quite what you thought it would be or that part of your life that is keeping you from the life you want, and to take a step back and really break it down. Whether your marriage has lost that flare or whether you cant find your happy.  Take a moment and realize whats missing. This is the only way you can get something closer to what you want- its about recognizing the faults and working to fix them. Life always takes work but if its what you really want then it will be worth the work.
It is the 'hards' and the 'bads' that make us stronger.